Thursday, February 10, 2011

Awards Show Anatomy

Awards Season is well underway in all it's glittery, frivolous glory, where actors, directors and producers are made out to be far more important than they really are. I cannot bear to watch another 4 hour dreary display of dull humour and lengthy speeches, endured by bored audiences, who senselessly applaud every spoken word.

You don't need to keep track of every awards show to realise that the formula has stayed exactly the same since the 1920's. VIP guests get dressed up, interviewed and photographed by worldwide media, then proceed to the exclusively designed auditorium. I wonder what it would be like if they didn't spend hundreds of thousands of wasted dollars on creating the show, decor, food, gifts and gowns. Can you imagine celebrities dressed in organic, natural fiber non-designer dresses, surviving in an un-airconditioned community hall, with specially carved wooden planks as awards. Definitely not.

Every year, the chosen presenter will try to entertain the unamused crowd with terrible jokes, and they are always terrible. The funniest thing about these shows is when the winner of each category in announced. Each of the 5 nominees will sit on the edge of their seats, wishing and praying that it's their name called out. When it's not, they will smile politely, gritting their teeth and fighting back the urge not to scream or even whisper any curse words - especially since the camera focuses directly on their disappointment. When the winner goes on stage to collect his/her award, the first thing he/she always says is, "I can't believe this! I never expected to win!" Followed by, "I haven't even prepared a speech..." but then they suddenly burst into a 10 minute perfectly prepared paperback novel, thanking every person (by name, nickname and title) of their 500-member team "who have made this possible." Throw in some tears and you have tomorrows front page entertainment news story. It's always the same, trust me. 

Award ceremonies are just an excuse for the rich, fake and famous to get fabulous free gowns and parade around, waving at crazed fans and posing for the camera with wide smiles pasted onto their faces. That's why I only watch them for the fashion ;)

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